I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
