I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
