Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
