Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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