i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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