When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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