I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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