What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
