i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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