I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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