I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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