Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
