Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
