Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize