I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize