remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
