When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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