Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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