He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
