Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
