It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
