The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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