i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My vagina is officially offended.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
