you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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