Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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