i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
only you would photoshop your dick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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