marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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