Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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