Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
