I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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