Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized

(914): View more from New York

No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."

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(231): View more from Michigan

Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.

(1-334): View more from Alabama

Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.

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(801): View more from Utah

Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club

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(415): View more from California

I did not marry a roomba.

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