I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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