I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
