I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize