It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
