I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
