I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
did i walk over a car last night?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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