your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
