We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
