I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
