well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
