I can tuck mytits in my pants
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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