please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
