he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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