goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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