she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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