Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is it penis luge time yet?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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