I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
