He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
