honey bunches of taint.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I believe in your delicious
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
