M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
