I swear she didn't look like that last week.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
