New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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