i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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