I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
