Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
