Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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