I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
