i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
