U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
