I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
