I CAN MOONWALK!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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