I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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