I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize