Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
