He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
