his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
